MMXI and MMXII

I'm not even sure what to write. I've stared at the screen now for some half an hour, thinking of what actually happened last year.. yeah.

Amor vincit Omnia. Or so people say.

I'm kind of scared. My memory of last year is that bad..? I know I've done A-Level somewhere around spring, I've gladly parted with whatever people there were in school with me, and that I've started studying in uni somewhere around early fall. There are sporadic memories about the A-Level closing ceremony, how I got everyones' dirt for not going to the afterparty, and on a whim making sure that most of them never again want to have anything to do with me. Then I've had months of doing nothing all day (literally). I would sometimes sleep 18hrs a day. Until I've somewhen had a nightmare that reoccured a couple of days, after that I've slept pretty little for weeks, wrecking my mind at that time completely.

And after I've enrolled in uni.. well, things aren't much different than they were. No nagging parents at least. I can pick the food I wanna eat on my own. And I've gotta wash my own dishes. That's kind of it. I don't give a damn about my roommates at uni or anyone else there tbh, and the recent group project made me pretty sure at that. They're all having some kind of prior experience in programming/drawing/whatever, and that's fine. But when they then insult me for doing bad after I, who I'm coming straight from school to uni, having no idea what I'm supposed to do.. then, yea.. fuck them.

Exams are coming up, in around 3 weeks. No idea how much I should know, how they actually work, or how grading actually works. I guess I'll be okay, but nothing too good obviously. If I'm not I'm screwed, as in, I really am, cause obviously noone would help me. But until now I always was "okay" without doing anything by default, so I would actually feel really strange if I wasn't. No use thinking about it though.

Glad I don't need to take train or bus.

And there my mind already slipped over onto upcoming things... my cognition of the past goes back.. 2 months? Maybe 3... thats less that I hoped it would. For a kind of probably nonobvious, but simple and important reason: How the fuck would I know if things get better when I got no idea how they were to begin with? What if shit got worse? I-I don't really dare thinking about this further.

If I ignore it, it won't bother me...

I've spent New years eve the most boring way possible - asleep. I was with my parents at my neighbours for some time, playing cards... until I've almost been sleeping, and said I'd take a nap and to wake me up before 12 o'clock. So I was being waked 5 minutes before, done the toast with champagne as its custom, and when the others were going outside lighting fireworks I've sneaked back home and just slept again. I still think my sleepcycle is awesome though.

So what for MMXII. Resolutions? I've got one. Doing stuff. Anything at all. Writing on some random stories a couple of minutes a day, writing down my dreams when I remember them, even things as small as actually reading articles about stuff that sounds interesting. Usually my mind just goes "that would need a little bit of effort... lets close that tab and back to looking at pictures." To shut out that thought. That's my resolution. To at least try to ... No, to stop ... no.. argh, fuckin hell I cant even put it in words.

To not leave my Mind completely empty, and at least try to get the smallest bit actually in. That sentence took me 10 minutes...

I've got a couple of wishes though. Arbitrary things I'd just like to happen. For example, some dreams about things I've dreamed about already. Certain persons, places, and sounds that I'd like to meet again. For my parents to get their own life in order. Which approximately will end in my Mum succumbing to insanity and or age, and my father being kind of sag but okay. Thinking about it, that's a pretty grim thought, and even moreso the fact I'm completely okay with it. both the thought and the possible outcome.

And a wish that should actually be the resolution but isn't for various reasons, topmost that my mind automatically makes sure to wriggle itself out of every binding to get something done: Write the Visual novel I've been wanting to for quite some time. I didn't get past the basic Idea and outline yet, and It doesn't seem like changing anytime soon. Although I've been saying to myself that after exams I'll get some real stuff done. Drawing, writing, whatever, but something. Something real. That's not just in my mind.

Insanely good Idea. But neither do I have to money, nor do I like dogs. Also I'm afraid it might work.

By the way, I've bought Bioshock 1&2 at the Steam-sale yesterday, although I've got both cracked and done on PC still... I just figured I've played them enough and will replay them enough to warrant 10€.

if you did not play Bioshock yet, I'd recommend doing so. The gameplay is pretty neat, although in BS2 its not quite as innovative anymore, but the thing that really makes these games amazing is the atmosphere. Its dark, grim, insanity all around. Theres few people still sane and still pursuing their goals, noticing and using you. You can't really interact with anything other than by violence - as long as noone directly gives you the opportunity to do so. Theres noone to help you, noone who cares about you, just you. Trying to survive. However that might work and wherever that might be bringing you.

if you grab all the recorders lying around, you'll also get to know a lot of the citys history. An amazing Idea. A city made to truly improve humanitys level of knowledge and prosperity.. obviously gone horribly wrong and succumbing to fear of morality and fail. If perfection is possible, is everything else not wasted effort?

Sequel? I'd buy it.

After everythings gone to hell in Rapture, some lonely guy finds some nontransformed girls, reporgramming BigDaddys to protect em, living peacefully in some isolated part of the city, making sure they can live there by getting plants and other supplies from other parts of the city, living a hard but rewarding life together?

I'd play the hell out of that. ._.